i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
