I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
