Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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