How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
