she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's blow job season.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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