also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
