Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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