Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
