Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
