i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
