long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
