u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
