he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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