Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
