Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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