ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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