after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
