Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry Grammar_Nazi hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(425): View more from Washington

my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.

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(352): View more from Florida

I just got invited to go home with a married couple...

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(210): View more from Texas

I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.

(512): View more from Texas

There are margaritas in the freezer still.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.

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(707): View more from California

come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.

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(404): View more from Georgia

He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND

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