ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
