I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
