i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
