Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
