I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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