This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
