good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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