I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
thus making me awesome and them whores
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
