I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
