hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
