no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
