I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
