Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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