Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
