I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
