we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Randomize
