I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
