i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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