My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
