shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
