He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
