He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
