I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it's like heaven, but drunker
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
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He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
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last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
FUCK WHALES
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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