i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
