I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
my liver is dry heaving
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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