Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
