even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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