the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The struggles of a small town man whore
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize