I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
