I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
