I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
