Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
