There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
