When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i now understand why vodka
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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