i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
