Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
