I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize