Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
