I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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