You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
