Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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