Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
