If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
