you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
