Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
