Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
