I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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