This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
