Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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