I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Small penises have feelings too.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
