i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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