Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
