so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize