My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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