she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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