whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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